


Serendipity and Karaoke

by DandyboyDaniel



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Almost Crack, Challenge Response, M/M, Malec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-28
Updated: 2012-12-28
Packaged: 2017-11-22 19:08:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/613246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DandyboyDaniel/pseuds/DandyboyDaniel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec tries to navigate the social mine field that is his first proper date with Magnus without making a complete fool of himself.  Will Izzy find him something to wear?  Will Magnus buy him that thousand-dollar sundae?  Will Jace ever get to tell that dirty joke about the nun, the zebra, and the bottle of olive oil?  Don't you hate questions in summaries?  A cracky, light-hearted one-shot response to a Tumblr prompt challenge.  City of Glass spoilers within the first few paragraphs.  Takes place after City of Glass, before City of Fallen Angels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Serendipity and Karaoke

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts: 
> 
> Location: Serendipity 3 and a Karaoke Bar
> 
> Animal: Zebra and Purple Koala
> 
> Color: Neon Orange
> 
> Article of Clothing: Fingerless Gloves / Blue Leopard Print Jacket / Skin-tight black leather pants
> 
> Also: a fight and a make-up scene

Even through the phone, Magnus’ voice was low and persuasive in Alec’s ear.  Something about that smooth whisper in low fidelity made even the most banal statements sound like phone sex.  “Come out with me, Alec.”

It was hard to say no to that voice.

Alec gave a solemn sigh.  “I don’t think it’s right to go out.  So soon after… you know.”  He felt guilty about allowing himself any happiness after his brother’s passing.  “I should be here for Isabelle.”

“I know a little something about loss, and I can tell you,” Magnus offered humbly, “it does not honor the dead to wallow in mourning twenty-four seven.  If you do, you perish of despair along with them.”

“I’m not wallowing,” Alec asserted, “I just don’t think I should go-- OW!”  At that moment, Isabelle had punched him hard on the arm.  It had taken him by surprise more than it had hurt him.  

Isabelle hissed, not trying very hard to keep her voice from being heard by the caller on the other end of Alec’s mobile phone, “What are you doing?  Are you stupid?  Are you turning down a date with _Magnus Bane_?”

Alec’s eyes widened with horror.  He frantically waved Isabelle away as if she was a persistent fly and mouthed, _shut up._

“Listen to your sister, Alec.  Let me take you out tonight,” Magnus insisted, “Dinner and drinks.” 

Alec blushed. “Oh.  You mean, _OUT,_ out?”  He and Magnus had never been conspicuously on a date in a public place.  They’d had picnics in hidden nooks of Central Park, gone for walks along the isolated banks of the East river, but never in a place where people would see them and know they were not just friends.  He worried his bottom lip and spoke hesitantly, “Magnus, I’m not sure I can--” 

Isabelle grabbed the cell phone out of Alec’s hand so fast he had no time to protest.  “He’ll go. Pick him up at the Institute at eight.”  She ended the call with a triumphant smirk and threw the phone across the room, aiming perfectly at the sofa. 

Alec was stunned and flustered, his cheeks hot and pink with both alarm and humiliation.  “I can’t believe you just did that.”

Isabelle, looking quite pleased with herself, flopped down on an armchair and put her heels up on the coffee table.  “If I didn’t you would have wussed-out on a date with the sexiest warlock in all the five boroughs, and quite possibly the entire tri-state area.”

Alec fished his phone out from between the sofa cushions.  “What’s the big deal?  I’ve been on dates with him before.”

“Sneaking off to Magnus’ apartment for Chinese take-out and a little foreplay doesn’t count as a date,” she pointed out.

If it had been possible to blush even harder, Alec would have done so.  He never ever wanted to hear the words _foreplay_ and _Magnus_ come out of his sister’s mouth in reference to himself again.  Too rattled, Alec didn’t refute.

He stared at the screen of his phone, contemplating calling off the date.  “I’ve never… I’ve never been on a real date, Iz.  And with _him_?  That’s a lot of pressure.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.  Magnus adores you.  You could just sit across the dinner table, eat breadsticks and blush at his dirty jokes, and he’d still be absolutely enthralled.”

“Who’s eating breadsticks and telling dirty jokes without me?” Jace entered the room with a feigned wounded expression. “Have you heard the one about the nun, the zebra, and the bottle of olive oil?”

“Alec has a big date with Magnus tonight,” Isabelle explained with a proud grin quirking her lips.  Jace simply smirked shrewdly and raised an eyebrow.

Alec mumbled, “I’m not ready for this. I should just cancel it.” His sister and his _parabatai_ were making such a big deal out of this date that it was giving him second thoughts.

“Not ready?” asked Jace incredulously.  “I think a real date is way overdue.  You’ve been fondling each other in Magnus’ loft for long enough.”

Alec huffed, “We don’t fondle in his apartment.  Well, actually, we do, but that’s not all we do.  We do other stuff too.”

“T.M.I., Alec.  You can tell me the torrid details of your sexcapades when Iz isn’t around,” said Jace with a wry grin.

Flustered, Alec raised his arms.  “That’s not what I meant!  I meant we do other stuff besides hang out at his place.”

Isabelle threw a pillow at him and groaned with frustration, “Then why are you being such a whiny bitch?  Go out with him.  You can’t use me as an excuse and you know Max would not have wanted you to use him as an excuse either.”

“But I have nothing to wear,” said Alec weakly.

~M/A~ 

“It’s purple.  It’s fucking _purple_!” Alec exclaimed with horror as he looked in the mirror.  He had just returned from an emergency shopping trip with Isabelle and put on his new purchase, a cable-knit wool sweater with a stylish-looking deep v-neck collar.

“It’s more of an eggplant color, I’d say,” said Jace, tilting his head critically.

“When we bought it, it looked blackish-red in the lighting at Banana Republic.  But it’s _purple!”_

Jace said pointedly, “Real men wear purple,” though Alec suspected he was actually being a dick.

Isabelle defended her choice saying, “It’s a strong shade of dark purple.  Just a little pop of color to make a statement.”

“And what is that statement, Iz? ‘Hello, I’m a purple koala’?” asked Alec sarcastically.

Isabelle advised, “You can’t go on a date with Magnus Bane wearing a ratty, black sweater and jeans.  He’ll show up in something fabulous and you’ll look like you don’t care.”

“Yeah, and nothing says, ‘I want you to wine and dine me then take me home and ravage me’ like a purple koala sweater,” Jace teased.

Frustrated, Alec pulled off the sweater, leaving his hair standing on end with static electricity.  He tossed the offending garment back into the shopping bag.  “I’m returning it tomorrow.”

“Just wear it, Alec; I was kidding.  It looks good on you,” admitted Jace.

Alec sighed.  “What’s the point?  Magnus is going to pick me up wearing something insane, like a bedazzled, neon orange, off-the-shoulder shirt and skin tight leather pants, and it won’t even matter what I’m wearing.  Nobody’s going to notice.”

Isabelle retrieved the sweater out of the shopping bag.  “Magnus will notice.  He’ll appreciate that you put some effort into what you’re wearing for his sake.”  She smoothed down her brother’s hair and handed him the sweater.  “Believe me, that goes a long way.”

 

Magnus did not show up wearing anything neon or bedazzled.  He arrived at the Institute wearing a blue leopard print blazer over a simple black button-down shirt and black slacks.  A single chunky, jeweled ring peeked out from leather fingerless gloves, but he was otherwise not accessorized.  As striking as this look had been, it was still rather subdued for Magnus.

“Hey,” said Alec, toying nervously with the bottom hem of his black, v-neck t-shirt beneath his purple sweater as he stood in the large doorway of the church.

“Hey you,” said Magnus cheerily before pecking Alec on the lips.  He was wearing a light coating of lip gloss.  Alec could faintly taste the remnants of cherry flavor when he worried his bottom lip.  “You look great.  That’s a really sexy color on you.”  Magnus casually brushed the front of Alec’s sweater with the back of his hand, making Alec’s heart flip involuntarily inside his chest.  “Like a juicy, ripe plum.”  The favorable look that Magnus gave him sent a pleasant shiver down Alec’s spine.

~M/A~ 

Alec had never been to Serendipity 3 before.  It was the gayest restaurant he’d ever seen in midtown, or anywhere else in the city.  From the black exterior, it was pretty unassuming.  But inside, it was like a flamboyant decorator threw up.  The restaurant’s décor was a dizzying mix of Victorian charm and kitsch.  There were unmatched stained glass lamps hanging over the round, white marble-topped tables.  Antique tea sets and porcelain serving ware was strewn about on shelves, and an enormous clock face dominated the room, making it feel like a trippy dream sequence from Alice in Wonderland. 

It had actually been a relief to come here, Alec thought.  Had they gone to one of those uber-contemporary epicurean establishments in Manhattan, where everything was white and the servers wore all black while dishing out miniscule portions of gourmet cuisine, Alec would have felt even more out of place.  Here, Magnus could wear his leopard print jacket and Alec could wear his purple koala sweater, and nobody would bat a fake eyelash at them.

As they perused the menu, Alec snickered.  Magnus peeked at him from behind his menu and raised a questioning brow.

“There’s a _bisexual burger_ on the menu.  What _is_ that?  A burger that can’t decide whether it’s meat or veggie?”

Magnus furrowed his brow, and Alec immediately stopped laughing.

“It’s a bi- _sensual_ burger,” Magnus corrected him then proceeded to admonish Alec for his joke, “And for your information, bisexual people aren’t indecisive about whether they’re gay or straight.  They are neither.  They’re attracted to both men and women and don’t feel like they need to choose between the two.”

“Oh,” said Alec weakly, then blathered on clumsily, “I didn’t mean to, er… it’s just that I don’t really know about… uhm… I’m sorry, Magnus.” He felt incredibly ignorant and embarrassed. 

Magnus glanced at him coldly with his cat eyes, shrugged, and said with a dismissive sigh, “What’re ya gonna do…,” then returned his attention to the menu.

“Look, I said I was sorry.  You don’t have to make me feel like a complete idiot.  I don’t know any other people of your persuasion, so--”

Magnus set down the menu and looked incredulously at Alec, repeating, “Of my persuasion?  _Persuasion_?  It is not a choice, Alexander.  I didn’t wake up one day and decide to join the Church of Bisexuality.”

The conversation was going to Hell in a hand basket, and Alec didn’t know what to do to rescue it, so he just shut his ignorant mouth.

Awkward silence ensued.  Alec searched the menu for non-offensive conversation and for something politically correct to eat.  “So, we’re ordering the thousand-dollar Golden Opulence sundae, right?” He joked meekly, hoping to ease the tension.

“Only if you promise to put out later,” said Magnus, casually.  Alec lowered his menu.  Magnus’ cold expression immediately softened and he laughed.  “If you want to eat gold, I’ll take you to Bloomingdales across the street, buy you some earrings for a fraction of the price, and you can put it on your ice cream.”

Alec chuckled softly.  “No, that’s alright.  I think I’ll just order the salmon and maybe a slice of chocolate blackout cake if I still have room.”

“If you share your cake with me, _I’ll_ put out,” Magnus teased.

 

Three courses, a few dirty jokes, and several flirtatious innuendoes later, Alec found himself full of good food and high spirits.  The date had gone much better after Alec’s initial faux pas, and he was quite proud of himself for getting through most of the night without any other social blunders.

So of course, as fate would have it, Magnus insisted on thrusting Alec out of his comfort zone.

“This is the only mundane bar in the area that doesn’t card,” Magnus gestured to a bar after they had been strolling together closely up Second Avenue for about fifteen blocks.  The orange neon sign declared they had arrived at Iggy’s Lounge.

“What’s the matter?” asked Alec teasingly, “Afraid nobody will believe you’re eight-hundred years old?”

“Somehow I don’t think an eighteen-year-old shadowhunter carries a non-driver’s ID card, let alone a fake ID proclaiming him to be twenty-one,” said Magnus.

Alec snorted haughtily, “Psh!  I have a driver’s license,” then admitted, “Okay, so it’s only a learner’s permit, but whatever.  Who the Hell drives in New York other than cabbies anyway?”

Inside, the lounge was dark and comfortable-looking, with plush couches and glass cocktail tables for drinks.  Along one wall was a long bar, crowded with patrons holding dollar bills.  Hanging above an illuminated shelf of vodka was a chalkboard sign that read, _Today’s Special: $5 Choco-tinis, $1 per song._

 _Per song?_ Alec questioned in his head.  “Does the bartender sing to you?” he asked Magnus as he took Alec gently by the wrist and guided them to a zebra upholstered loveseat.  Magnus simply chuckled.  At the back of the bar was a small stage backed by a red curtain.  On the stage were two microphones on stands.  As Magnus and Alec sat down, two very drunk girls took the stage and proceeded to sing off-key, misreading lyrics on a television prompter.

“By the Angel, Magnus,” Alec gasped with realization.  “You’ve taken me to a karaoke bar!”

“Isn’t it great?” grinned Magnus, his cat eyes gleaming with mischief.

“No amount of five-dollar Choco-tinis is going to get me on that stage to sing,” Alec resolutely declared.

Magnus gently nudged Alec’s arm.  “Oh, come on.  Live a little.  You’ll never see any of these people ever again, and I won’t judge you if you’re out of tune.”

“For your information, I have a very nice voice,” Alec pointed out proudly, “I sang in the boy’s choir in Alicante when I was little.”

“So what’s holding you back?  If you’ve got stage fright, we can do a duet.  Do you know _Islands in the Stream_?”

“No!  That’s the point I’m trying to make.  I don’t know any mundane songs!” explained Alec.

Magnus sighed with disappointment.  “Oh right.”  He made a circular gesture around Alec’s head.  “Forgot about your whole shadowhunter pop culture bubble thing.”  Then he sprang up cheerily and said, “I can serenade you, then.  Don’t go anywhere.”

A few minutes later, Magnus returned from the bar with two chocolate flavored, whipped cream topped cocktails in martini glasses and an impish grin.  He was up to something, and Alec was afraid.  He’d probably need a few more of these drinks to get him through the night.  Alec tilted his head slightly, trying to navigate his lips around the glass without getting whipped cream on his nose.

Magnus swiped his finger through the whipped cream of Alec’s drink and closed his mouth sensually around the long digit, eying Alec hungrily.   “There.  Now you won’t get a whipped cream ‘stache.”

Alec swallowed the lump in his throat that must have been his heart and mumbled his thanks.

Magnus did the same with the whipped cream on his own drink, letting his tongue swirl around his finger in a way that was borderline obscene and nearly made Alec drop his glass.

“You’re blushing,” Magnus pointed out with a smile that was somehow both coy and sly.

Indeed, Alec could feel warmth in his cheeks, amongst other places.  “You’re evil,” he teased.

“You don’t need to blush, Alec, it’s just a Choco-tini.  It’s not like I bought you the Golden Opulence Sundae.”

Alec muttered quietly behind his glass, “But I’ll still put out for you,” hoping that the croon of the drunk girls drowned out his words.

“What’s that?” Magnus leaned in to listen for clarification.

“But it’s still not good for you,” Alec covered, “This drink must be four-hundred calories, at least.”

After unabashedly staring at Magnus while he practically fellated his Choco-tini, Alec got up to order their next round.  No more whipped-cream covered cocktails, lest Alec wanted to drag Magnus into the men’s room to relieve himself in an entirely inappropriate way.  He returned with two beers and prayed that Magnus didn’t have any naughty ideas for his tongue and the neck of the bottle.

Upon his return, the karaoke host announced the next singer’s name awkwardly, unsure if it was a real name or a joke, blundering it along the way  “Mag-num Bane?”

Magnus shot up and waved his gloved hand.  “That’s me!”  He flashed Alec a smile that screamed of trouble before making his way to the stage.

Alec sat down and braced himself, but nothing could prepare him for the humiliation that was to ensue.

Magnus took the microphone and dedicated the song as the introduction played out – a catchy bass line and a sultry beat.  “This one’s for my darling blue-eyed baby.  I love you Alec.”  Then he immediately launched into song.  “ _I made it through the wilderness_ … _Somehow I made it through-ooh-ooh.”_

 _By. The. Angel._   Magnus was swaying his hips suggestively, giving Alec sexy-eyes from across the room, and singing with the tone and enthusiasm of a zebra dying a violent death.

“ _Didn’t know how lost I was, until I met you-ooh-ooh.”_ Magnus raised his arm slowly, brought it over his head, and lowered it so that he was pointing at Alec. 

As if on cue, people sitting in the front turned around to see who Magnus had been pointing at.  Alec could feel his entire face burning.  He shrunk down into the sofa and nursed his beer, smiling stiffly behind it.

“ _I was beat.  Incomplete.  I’ve been had.  I was sad and blue.  But you made me feel.  Yeah you made me feel… shiny and new.”_

Before the next line of the song, Magnus sunk to his knees and parted his legs slightly in a rockstar pose that made the drunk patrons in the bar hoot and holler and applaud.

“ _Like a virgin.  Touched for the very first time!  Like a vir-ir-ir-gin.  When your heart beats.  Next to mine.”_

 _Oh my god, what is this song?!_   Alec didn’t think he could blush any harder, but he had been dead wrong.  Maybe he could just look unassuming and people wouldn’t realize Magnus was directing this very suggestive song towards him.  But, of course not.  Magnus just had to add the whipped cream topping to the humiliation cake.

He stepped off the stage with the wireless microphone and sauntered his way through the bar toward Alec.  “ _Gonna give you all my love boy.  My fear is fading fast.  Couldn’t save it all for you, ‘cause only love can last.”_

Alec chugged his beer, though he knew trying to get drunk enough to drown his embarrassment this quickly was futile.

When the object of Magnus’ desire had been revealed, the crowed cheered raucously.  Alec put his beer down on the table and buried his reddened face in his hands. Magnus danced sinuously around him and sang incredibly off key without any shame whatsoever.  “ _You’re so fine, and you’re mine.  I’ll be yours ‘till the end of time.”_

Magnus sat sideways on Alec’s lap and draped an arm around him as he serenaded.  “ _’Cause you make me feel.  Yeah you made me feel.  I’ve got nothing to hide.”_  

He swiftly pecked Alec on the lips, which set off more hoots of approval from the bar patrons, before hopping back up and dancing towards the stage. _“Like a virgin.  Touched for the very first time._ ”  By now, half the bar was singing along.  Either Magnus was that charismatic, or the song was very well known, or perhaps both.  “ _Like a vir-ir-ir-gin.  With your heartbeat.  Next to mine.”_

And by the end of the song, the entire bar was cheering while Alec was searching for his stomach, lodged somewhere between his epiglottis and his nasal cavity.  On the bright side, somebody was impressed with Magnus’ enormous balls, enough to buy them another round.  Thank fuck, because he sure as Hell wasn’t drunk enough for this.

“Did you like my song, baby?”  Magnus asked as he returned to the couch, glowing with a subtle sheen of sweat on his brow and a victorious smile.

Alec smiled tightly.  “Mmhm.  It was entirely appropriate too,” he answered sarcastically.

Magnus pouted.  “What’s the matter with you?  Loosen up, for god’s sake.  Learn to have some fun and not take things so damn seriously all the time.”

Irritated, Alec replied, “I’m sorry, but I don’t consider being embarrassed in front of a bar full of people fun times.”

“Are you ashamed of me, Alexander?”  Magnus furrowed his brow.  God, Alec hated it when Magnus called him by his given name.  It meant Magnus was thoroughly unhappy with him.

Alec huffed, “No!  You know I’m not.  I kissed you in front of a hundred people, including my parents, in the Hall of Accords, remember?”  He crossed his arms over his chest and continued to sip his second beer in silence.  The embarrassment, the alcohol, and his aggravation kept his cheeks hot.  He wished he hadn’t worn such a stupid heavy sweater.  He pulled it off swiftly and muttered to himself, “Fucking purple koala.”

“Why do you have to be such a wet blanket?” asked Magnus, displeased.

Alec had no words left.  His pride had taken them along with it when it escaped him.  All he could do was pout sullenly and drink.  And feel sorry for himself for being such a lame date.  And drink.  And kick himself for not being adventurous enough to hang with the coolest guy ever.  And drink.

“You know what?  Fuck it.”  Alec slammed his beer bottle down on the table, got up resolutely, and marched to the bar.  He searched through the giant book of karaoke songs, miraculously found what he’d been looking for, gave the bartender a dollar and wrote his name down on the list.

“I thought you didn’t now any popular songs,” said Magnus upon Alec’s return.

Alec shrugged, smirking slightly.  “You’ll see.”

When it was Alec’s turn to take the stage, he had four drinks in his system, which was more than he’d ever had at one sitting in his life.  Alec was pretty sure he was drunk.  And when the music began to play, Alec was praying that he was drunk enough, because nothing else could give him the courage to do this, except perhaps a _fearless_ rune.

“ _Hey hey!  You you!  I don’t like your girlfriend.”_

Alec never had time to listen to music, or watch much TV, so his exposure to popular music was extremely limited.  But Jace had a rarely-used video game system, and Isabelle bought a dancing game for herself to play on it.  The game required the player to dance with hand-held controllers in time with music.  In the spirit of competition, Alec had played against Isabelle and Jace.  This particular song was always his high score song.

“ _No way no way!  I think you need a new one.  Hey hey you you!  I could be your boyfriend.  Hey hey you you!  I know that you like me.”_

The look on Magnus’ face was one of both shock and glee.  He bounced in his seat with excitement as Alec sang.  “ _You’re so fine, I want you, mine.  You’re so delicious.  I think about you all the time.  You’re so addictive.  Don’t you know what I can do to make you feel alright?”_

It felt unnatural to stand completely still while singing the song, especially since he had always heard it in the context of the dancing game, so he incorporated the moves as he sang.  If Magnus had sounded like a dying zebra, Alec had probably looked like one.

“ _Don’t pretend.  I think you know I’m damn precious.  And Hell yeah, I’m the motherfucking princess.  I can tell you like me too and you know I’m right.”_

Alec couldn’t believe he had just called himself _the motherfucking princess_ while serenading Magnus Bane.  If Jace ever found out, he’d never hear the end of it.

_“She’s like, so whatever.  You could do so much better.  I think we should get together now…”_

He’d never done anything so crazy in his life, which was saying a lot, considering his line of work and the company he kept.  He felt ridiculous and silly and so god damn free.  It was wonderful to just let go.  When the song ended, Alec was surprised to find himself sorry that it was over so soon.  He squeezed his way between the maze of plush chairs back to Magnus, plopped himself on his lap, threw his arms around his neck and kissed him firmly.

Breathlessly, Alec mumbled against Magnus’ lips, “Thank you.”

“What for?  _You_ were amazing,” said Magnus, as he curled his arms around Alec’s waist.

“For breaking me out of my shell with a sledge hammer,” Alec chuckled.  “I had a really great time tonight.”  He nuzzled his face close to Magnus’ and whispered sincerely, “Thank you.  I needed that.”

Magnus purred, “Oh, it’s not over yet.”  He flashed a devious smirk.  His cat eyes glimmered.  “I have yet to take you home…”  He gently took Alec’s bottom lip between his teeth, then let his tongue brush against the reddened place where his teeth had been. “…And I don’t mean The Institute.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to all the lovely people on Tumblr who sent me prompts, specifically mikaelamariluvsyou, kaiden-james-belmont, maiaxroberts, and others for their anonymous contributions.
> 
> Dedicated to and inspired by markedbyangels and glitterngloss (glitter_n_gloss) on Tumblr and Twitter.
> 
> Credits: The song Magnus sings is “Like a Virgin”, Madonna’s classic tune, which I once sang as a nine-year-old, to my parents’ shock and horror. The song Alec sings is “Girlfriend” by Avril Lavigne. Jace’s gaming system is a rarely used Wii, and Isabelle’s favorite game is “Just Dance”. No Zebras were harmed in the writing of this one-shot. Both Serendipity 3 and Iggy’s Lounge are real places in my beloved New York.


End file.
